My Mommy - 1/4/36-1/6/24

‘Memories of You’ 24”H x 24”W

She’s gone
She’s gone
It washes over me in waves

Did I tell her I loved her enough?
Not just while she was dying
but while she was living

She’s gone
She’s gone
My head can’t wrap around it
until I pick up the phone to ask her
just a simple question
How much curry should I add?
Did you like the pears?
What’s the name of that tiny purple rhody by the driveway?
It’s blooming now you know

The waves crash over me
Grief
Exhaustion
Guilt
For not saying all the things I should have
For not being there
when she told me she didn’t need me
but really did
For being angry with her
instead of the disease
that took her away from us
little by little

She’s gone
She’s gone
It washes over me in waves

I keep busy
packing up her apartment
sifting through photos
sorting what goes where
and to whom
Then I hold a faded drinking glass
and dissolve into memories and tears

I call family and friends
and hold up just fine
while they process the news
It’s cancelling her mail
that breaks me

She’s gone
She’s gone
It doesn’t seem real
until another wave washes over
and I realize
she’s really gone

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